Friday, August 17, 2007


I'm in a mellow place. I'm very tired these days and doing a lot of sleeping, gearing up for little miss I suppose.
I dreamt the other night I was surrounded by women elders, we were all talking and just being, I felt loved and supported, and heard. I think it was because as I was falling asleep, I was thinking of my dear friends; many of whom are somewhat older than me, at least in the evolution sense... all wise and mothering and dear to my heart. It has been a wonderful realization for me to know that, even though I have lost important women, who were very dear to my heart, new ones have come to fill the void. Six years ago, I'd mourned the fact that my mother (birth) would not be here to see the birth of her Takoja,(grandchild) or two years ago, I was mourning the fact that dearest Tuwin (aunt) would not be here to play with and instill her wisdom in my daughter. But now I know, they, as well as all my other relatives, already know her, are taking care of her right now, are teaching her. And in the physical sense, other amazing women have come into my life to continue the lessons, gifts and joy my mother and aunt gave me... in different ways, but still. I'm glad I have evolved enough to know, and recognize this. It makes me all the more grateful for my dear friends.
My belly is getting bigger as the days go by and I'm feeling muchly pregnant. I'm not used to not being able to move about easily. I'm glad my belly is growing, that means baby is growing. She is still very active, and makes me laugh as she scampers about my belly, seemingly unaware that she is due to be born any day now. We have changed her name a bit... to be more suitable to her.
The countdown has officially begun, I know she will get here when she is ready... and I'm ok with that. I'm not going to rush her, or wish for her to be born any other time than when she is ready and when the relatives are ready for her to come. She is in good hands up there.
Nesting continues, which has been helped by hubby being off work the last few days. I love having him around, it is always nicer to be together than apart. I see him getting a bit nervous.. if there is a loud crash that he thinks may have been me, he rushes to make sure it wasn't, and he constantly checks in to make sure all body parts and systems are in proper working order. Such a sweetheart. There are quite a few crashes around here these days, as I am constantly dropping things and then must wait for someone to come pick them up for me. Though, when I am alone, I must do it myself.. needless to say I have gotten very adept at using my feet and my toes. If I can't get it with those.. it just stays on the floor until hubbs gets home.
In my dreams, baby is here, in all her small cuteness and adorability.
On one hand it is hard to believe that soon, two will be three and yet, it also seems so "natural". We installed the baby car seat in the car today... wow, it seems so wierd to have that in there. It is soo tiny... and so surreal that we are now a car seat couple. And that this year, when we take our christmas card pics, there will be a wee one with us. I'm so honored to be her mother... I can hardly wait to kiss her!!!!

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