Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I'm back

Hard to belive baby girl is going to be two months old. ( In ten days.) Life continues to be amazing as I spend time with this beautiful being.
There are some fabulous things around the bend for hubby and I, nothing concrete right now, but by the third week of nov, things will be more set. New adventures to be had, and I'm really excited.
The new book is out! I can't believe it, (it has only been 4 or 5 years in the making, due to publishing glitches, funding and editors getting sick.) It's really amazing.. they sent us the gally, and it was really powerful just like that. But to see it in print now, is mind blowing. I'm in the company of some amazing writers! I'm honored to be too! It has been a long time coming, but it is going to make a difference in a lot of people's lives. Which is what I think writing is supposed to do.
Baby girl is alseep right now, and I should be working.... but I'm not. I need to eat something... I've dropped so much weight from breastfeeding, I'm looking gaunt and emaciated. I had no clue how much breastfeeding would take out of me. Then many days I don't really get to eat until hubby gets home... I'm so busy taking care of Cunksi. It's funny because someone said to me: baby's gaining weight and getting bigger, but you are getting smaller. I am just glad she is growing so well. That is all that matters ultimately. And it's nice to see that what I am doing for her is making a difference. Good food and lots of love, that is what makes babies grow!
Happy Holloween! If you come to my house to trick or treat.. you will see baby girl in her cute little costume. I was going to go out trk or trting wiht my sis and her kids... our annual thing.. but it's too cold for a baby girl! So, we'll stay home and give out the yummies!
Have fun and get lots of treats!!!!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


well. what a time it has been.
First and foremost, the reason I am writing this is because we are introducing the bottle. OOOOOOO.
Very very hard times. I'm not putting her on the bottle, but we need to have her be able to take it for times when I am not able to feed her. Such as when I have to go to the dentist and get my teeth fixed, as well as when i have to go give readings... which is coming up soon. Her father will be with her, but even so, he still has to be able to feed her while I'm giving my reading, visiting classes, or being on a panel.
It's still hard though. Neccesary, but hard. I left the house to make the transition easier on all involved, but it felt like I was leaving a vital part of me behind. Thoughts of my baby thinking I abandoned her went through my head. So, I had to take a deep breath, tell myself it would be fine, and if I relaxed, she would too.
It worked, it was still hard, but it worked. She took the bottle, and for now, all seems well. (thank god for cell phones.)
She seems so young to be doing this, but we have to in order to have her feeding from the bottle by the time my reading in colorado comes.
In other baby news, she is doing well. Growing amazingly, she was 9# 5 oz. two weeks ago. She has outgrown all her 0-3 month clothes. Amazing! I'm so proud of her! Her legs are getting so long! And she is sleeping well, though her sleeping has never been an issue. She is starting to stretch her feedings out to four hours through the night.
OK, that is all i have for now... more later.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Slip Sliding away

such does the time.
I have not posted, I know... but I have this gorgeous creature to care for. She has no time for anyone else, and simply wants to be in my arms, pressed against my chest, where our heart beats match and our breathing synchronizes.
Fine with me.
She is so beautiful.
She has been having tummy troubles, still. Our pediatrician and other medical people and non medical people keep saying..."she'll grow out of it, soon." But they don't sit with us when our darling daughter screams in pain and cries and looks at me/us like, "why can't you make it better mommy?"
Gut wrenching.
When you become a mother, you leap headfirst into all kinds of lessons. I think this is one of mine.
I've always wanted to keep my precious daughter from any pain, unhappiness or uncomfortablity. I've prided myself in the fact that I kept her safe, healthy and happy for nine months. I birthed her safely, and she was happy and ready to greet the world when she appeared.
I can't keep her from feeling this pain. I know it's a "random baby stage", but any parent who can stand by nonchalant while thier offspring is in pain....must have something wrong with their head.
So, I know that my lesson in all of this is, I have to acknowlege that I can't take this pain from her, I can't shield her from this, or make it stop. All I can do is what I will be doing her whole life. Holding her, telling her I love her, being with her. I can't take the pain for her, but I can be with her while she goes through it, so she doesn't have to do it alone.
And I can take comfort in the fact that she is doing fabulously, growing so fast, developing so well, (ahead of her age bracket actually) and when she isn't having belly pain.... she is a happy well adjusted little bebe, who is well aware of how much she is loved, not only by her parents but by so many other people.

oops- gotta go- cunksi is awake.... more later