I've been away from my blog, but not away from writing, or arting by any means.
I've just finished an essay for Florida Review and wrapped up a photo show.
Things are good. I realized, finally, that walking away from art, especially writing, just wasn't going to happen. It wasn't meant to. It stalked me like a hunter, it came to me in dreams, it tugged at my heart, my mind, my hands.
I'm glad.
There have been other things going on as well, but I've not sorted through them. I'm a pretty private person. I don't really allow my "rawness" be shown, until I'm good and ready. You all may find this shocking considering how raw I write in publications. But it all comes out only after much mulling, healing, and editing. So, when the time is right, I will talk about what is going on here, the pull is there so it won't be long.
Turtle came to my show today, which was a huge relief, or we'd have been apart for 4 hours, the longest in our whole time together. It would probably have been harder on me, I'm sure. We're so connected, so enmeshed. I love being with her, she is hilarious and funny, and smart. I love talking to her, listening to her. Life with her continues to be mind blowingly amazing.
At the show i saw a woman with a 3 month old..my uterus started throbbing, and my arms started tingling. I remember turtle that tiny, that young, that new. i reminded myself that there will be another one soon...but I still wanted to snatch that baby up, hold her, smell her, kiss her and snuggle her. It was sad, because the mother of the baby, was a teen mother and couldn't care less about that baby, that special time she has right now. A mother who hadn't "meant to" get pregnant,(UM HELLO, that's what CONDOMS are FOR!! GRR) and now sees her beautiful gift as a hindrance to her fun. It was heartbreaking.
I walked out and there was turtle, running up to me, jumping into my arms, her little arms wrapped around me as she nuzzled into my neck. She smelled like fresh air. I held her as I spoke with people, and she helped, telling them where we took our photos, complete with hand signals. ohhh, she's sooo cute!
Ok, i gotta go, a turtle is rustling around in bed... she'll be calling soon.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
The sweat lodge deaths, my Lakota perspective
I'm very upset over the deaths and injuries in the Sedona, Az situation.
There are so many things wrong in that situation, I don't even know where to begin.
First of all, people were doing something they had no business doing.
The sweat lodge is a sacred ceremony that wasicu's have no right trying to replicate. Oh wait, they have tried, it's called a sauna.
The man, or people, (because I'm sure this Ray guy was not the ONLY one who runs these)who was running this, was collecting money for it. First of all, to replicate something that isn't even YOUR culture, and a SACRED ceremony no less, but then to take an asinine amount of money, is unbelievably wrong, unethical and heinous. Personally, I hope this man is charged with manslaughter. Because if this were a native running things where people had died, you'd better believe they'd be slapped with a law suit so fast, their heads would spin.
Now, also, I'm so sick of people thinking if they get a little "Native spirituality" their lives will be better. Stop guru-ing us. New Ager's piss me off. They are so busy trying on other people's beliefs that if they'd just stop running from themselves, explore their own culture, or belief system; they might find the answers. If you can't fix your own problems and your own lives, don't look to us to do it. We can't wave a magic buffalo horn and say a few special words and make YOUR life better. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness, no matter HOW much money you have, or WHO you pay to play "Indian medicine man."
The bottom line I see is this, a wasicu was playing with things he had NO RIGHT to be playing with, and people (sheep) were more than willing to follow along blindly. And now, bad choices ALL AROUND have cost people a dear price.
Hopefully the sweat lodge at that resort, will be shut down, and people will start thinking twice about blindly following something they don't know the real story behind.
As I write that last line, I realize I better clarify. When i say follow blindly, I mean, thinking you can go to some white "medicine Man" who you think is going to fix your life. No one can fix your life, except you. If you didn't have the tools you need to succeed in life before you went into that sweat lodge, you're not going to suddenly gain them when you walk out. Lakota( Native) spirituality is not something you can dabble in, something you can see, something you can touch. It is something you are born with, or into, it's a way of life. Many people try to "Show" their spirituality, but it's something that must be lived, must come from within. If someone is "wearing" their spirituality on them, (or showing it, in whatever form) that to me, says a lot more about that person than what they believe (or don't) in.
There are so many things wrong in that situation, I don't even know where to begin.
First of all, people were doing something they had no business doing.
The sweat lodge is a sacred ceremony that wasicu's have no right trying to replicate. Oh wait, they have tried, it's called a sauna.
The man, or people, (because I'm sure this Ray guy was not the ONLY one who runs these)who was running this, was collecting money for it. First of all, to replicate something that isn't even YOUR culture, and a SACRED ceremony no less, but then to take an asinine amount of money, is unbelievably wrong, unethical and heinous. Personally, I hope this man is charged with manslaughter. Because if this were a native running things where people had died, you'd better believe they'd be slapped with a law suit so fast, their heads would spin.
Now, also, I'm so sick of people thinking if they get a little "Native spirituality" their lives will be better. Stop guru-ing us. New Ager's piss me off. They are so busy trying on other people's beliefs that if they'd just stop running from themselves, explore their own culture, or belief system; they might find the answers. If you can't fix your own problems and your own lives, don't look to us to do it. We can't wave a magic buffalo horn and say a few special words and make YOUR life better. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness, no matter HOW much money you have, or WHO you pay to play "Indian medicine man."
The bottom line I see is this, a wasicu was playing with things he had NO RIGHT to be playing with, and people (sheep) were more than willing to follow along blindly. And now, bad choices ALL AROUND have cost people a dear price.
Hopefully the sweat lodge at that resort, will be shut down, and people will start thinking twice about blindly following something they don't know the real story behind.
As I write that last line, I realize I better clarify. When i say follow blindly, I mean, thinking you can go to some white "medicine Man" who you think is going to fix your life. No one can fix your life, except you. If you didn't have the tools you need to succeed in life before you went into that sweat lodge, you're not going to suddenly gain them when you walk out. Lakota( Native) spirituality is not something you can dabble in, something you can see, something you can touch. It is something you are born with, or into, it's a way of life. Many people try to "Show" their spirituality, but it's something that must be lived, must come from within. If someone is "wearing" their spirituality on them, (or showing it, in whatever form) that to me, says a lot more about that person than what they believe (or don't) in.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Back
It's been dormant so long, yearning, longing, scratching at the back of my skull...among the other rubble, waiting, calculating, knowing time was on its side.
I should have known, even though I doubted it at times, really, doubting myself.
But it's all good, it's back, like the scratch, scratch of pen on paper, it is unavoidable.
It's back.
I'm back.
Its good. It's right. I open, take it in and accept it back where it belongs.
It rings the memories of how I got here, who helped me, who believed in me, who pushed me, who gave me "permission". The way I doggedly pursued it,swearing never to leave it. Remembering the way I breathed it everyday,and other days when it "breathed" me, how I obsessed over it, how I carried it with me wherever I went, wearing it like a favorite shirt.
You can never truly leave, or lose, what is a part of you.
I should have known, even though I doubted it at times, really, doubting myself.
But it's all good, it's back, like the scratch, scratch of pen on paper, it is unavoidable.
It's back.
I'm back.
Its good. It's right. I open, take it in and accept it back where it belongs.
It rings the memories of how I got here, who helped me, who believed in me, who pushed me, who gave me "permission". The way I doggedly pursued it,swearing never to leave it. Remembering the way I breathed it everyday,and other days when it "breathed" me, how I obsessed over it, how I carried it with me wherever I went, wearing it like a favorite shirt.
You can never truly leave, or lose, what is a part of you.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
Mi Cunksila
Kici Niye le Wacin ksto.
Wapostan Sapa
Maske ki Heyaka, zintkala, wabluska,
gnaska, zuzecha, cehan, wanbli, sunka oyate ksto.
Tate ankal ha etkiya oyutan
el niye wi slolyaye ksto.
Wicape el nata ni wacin,
maka el si ni, na isto ni apeksto.
Hoksica Lakota niye ksto.
Yati ohinni niye ksto.
Wapostan Sapa
Maske ki Heyaka, zintkala, wabluska,
gnaska, zuzecha, cehan, wanbli, sunka oyate ksto.
Tate ankal ha etkiya oyutan
el niye wi slolyaye ksto.
Wicape el nata ni wacin,
maka el si ni, na isto ni apeksto.
Hoksica Lakota niye ksto.
Yati ohinni niye ksto.
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