New baby

My friend had her baby!! He is soooooo cute!! I went to see them last night... oh my gosh, I can't believe cunksi was that small once... even smaller, since her baby was 7# 11oz. So tiny!!!!
It has gone by so fast, these last five months.. I can't believe it. My friend had a hellish tiime with her delivery, poor thing... I'm glad she and the baby are ok.

I gotta go... cunksi is trying to stand on her head.....

I rarely have time to....

I rarely have time to post these days... so much of my time is wrapped up in a smallish sweet smelling, cuddly turtle. Then when I do get on here, all I seem to do is talk about her, and I'm sure some of my readers are BORED by that.
Tough.
J.K. (only slightly)
I'm trying to find the balance of where she ends and I start again. People keep asking if I'm writing or painting, or sculpting. The only writing I have done is the logs in her baby book. I have been painting... I have finished a series of paintings for nurseries that are for sale. Yey. But no real words on paper, of the literary type.
I'm just absolutely engulfed by her. I think I will get up in the middle of the night, while she is asleep and write, but I can't tear myself away from the precious creature that lays beside me, I still wake up at night and stare at her, in wonderment, amazement and joy. She nuzzles into me and she fits as perfectly outside me as she did when she was inside.
i have two dear friends who are expecting soon. One is due this month and the other, next. It will be exciting to see it all from the other side. We've been all a chatter about the journey. It's been fun to watch others go through such an amazing wonderful time.
I must go now.

Maybe next time it will be about something not relating to my offspring.

More Perfect

Cunksi had her four month check up.

There were shots.
There were tears.

From both her and her Ate, which nearly made me cry, seeing him cry.(Nothing makes me cry faster than seeing my hubs cry.) See, this was the first "shot" visit he attended with us, it was muchly hard on him. They are hard on me too, but I can't cry, I'm the Ina. So I grit my teeth and bare it while I comfort her. Then there was boob, making all things better.

But before all that, the doctor checked her over and said to us: "She is beautiful. She is perfect."

(I knew I picked him for a reason.)

What else could parents ask for?

Perfect

It's almost christmas.

I'm home, hubby is home.

Cunksi is here this year.

Life is perfect.

At this time last year, I was horrifically ill and bed bound with pneumonia.

I was also pregnant, and didn't know it yet.

I was sick because I was coming off the last two hellish years I'd had since I could remember.

But even as I coughed and hacked my lungs out, cikala cunksi was growing and soon i would discover her presence.

Life would never be the same.

I'm glad.

She has made my life perfect. I love her, she is perfect, and I'm so honored to be her mother.

As I write this, she is in the other room with her Ate, they are dancing together, she has a huge smile across her face.

Next to her Ina, her Ate is her favorite person.

She is a mini me. it is wierd to look in someone's tiny face and see your features staring back at you.

Or see traits in someone else that you realize are your own.

Traits that are cute in a three month old.... tho I do have more pity for my husband now ... such a saint to live with me.

Two people created this beautiful, amazing, perfect creature; who already at three months knows she rules the roost and is the tiniest diva.

It's great.

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

I was put on this earth to do a lot of things... but the most important thing I was brought here to do was be cunksi's Ina.

The honor is mine.

If it is awile before I check back in, merry christmas everyone. Happy holidays, enjoy them, may you get what you need in the new year. and what you want.

I'm back

Hard to belive baby girl is going to be two months old. ( In ten days.) Life continues to be amazing as I spend time with this beautiful being.
There are some fabulous things around the bend for hubby and I, nothing concrete right now, but by the third week of nov, things will be more set. New adventures to be had, and I'm really excited.
The new book is out! I can't believe it, (it has only been 4 or 5 years in the making, due to publishing glitches, funding and editors getting sick.) It's really amazing.. they sent us the gally, and it was really powerful just like that. But to see it in print now, is mind blowing. I'm in the company of some amazing writers! I'm honored to be too! It has been a long time coming, but it is going to make a difference in a lot of people's lives. Which is what I think writing is supposed to do.
Baby girl is alseep right now, and I should be working.... but I'm not. I need to eat something... I've dropped so much weight from breastfeeding, I'm looking gaunt and emaciated. I had no clue how much breastfeeding would take out of me. Then many days I don't really get to eat until hubby gets home... I'm so busy taking care of Cunksi. It's funny because someone said to me: baby's gaining weight and getting bigger, but you are getting smaller. I am just glad she is growing so well. That is all that matters ultimately. And it's nice to see that what I am doing for her is making a difference. Good food and lots of love, that is what makes babies grow!
OH!
Happy Holloween! If you come to my house to trick or treat.. you will see baby girl in her cute little costume. I was going to go out trk or trting wiht my sis and her kids... our annual thing.. but it's too cold for a baby girl! So, we'll stay home and give out the yummies!
Have fun and get lots of treats!!!!

OY

well. what a time it has been.
First and foremost, the reason I am writing this is because we are introducing the bottle. OOOOOOO.
Very very hard times. I'm not putting her on the bottle, but we need to have her be able to take it for times when I am not able to feed her. Such as when I have to go to the dentist and get my teeth fixed, as well as when i have to go give readings... which is coming up soon. Her father will be with her, but even so, he still has to be able to feed her while I'm giving my reading, visiting classes, or being on a panel.
It's still hard though. Neccesary, but hard. I left the house to make the transition easier on all involved, but it felt like I was leaving a vital part of me behind. Thoughts of my baby thinking I abandoned her went through my head. So, I had to take a deep breath, tell myself it would be fine, and if I relaxed, she would too.
It worked, it was still hard, but it worked. She took the bottle, and for now, all seems well. (thank god for cell phones.)
She seems so young to be doing this, but we have to in order to have her feeding from the bottle by the time my reading in colorado comes.
In other baby news, she is doing well. Growing amazingly, she was 9# 5 oz. two weeks ago. She has outgrown all her 0-3 month clothes. Amazing! I'm so proud of her! Her legs are getting so long! And she is sleeping well, though her sleeping has never been an issue. She is starting to stretch her feedings out to four hours through the night.
OK, that is all i have for now... more later.

Slip Sliding away

such does the time.
I have not posted, I know... but I have this gorgeous creature to care for. She has no time for anyone else, and simply wants to be in my arms, pressed against my chest, where our heart beats match and our breathing synchronizes.
Fine with me.
She is so beautiful.
She has been having tummy troubles, still. Our pediatrician and other medical people and non medical people keep saying..."she'll grow out of it, soon." But they don't sit with us when our darling daughter screams in pain and cries and looks at me/us like, "why can't you make it better mommy?"
Gut wrenching.
When you become a mother, you leap headfirst into all kinds of lessons. I think this is one of mine.
I've always wanted to keep my precious daughter from any pain, unhappiness or uncomfortablity. I've prided myself in the fact that I kept her safe, healthy and happy for nine months. I birthed her safely, and she was happy and ready to greet the world when she appeared.
I can't keep her from feeling this pain. I know it's a "random baby stage", but any parent who can stand by nonchalant while thier offspring is in pain....must have something wrong with their head.
So, I know that my lesson in all of this is, I have to acknowlege that I can't take this pain from her, I can't shield her from this, or make it stop. All I can do is what I will be doing her whole life. Holding her, telling her I love her, being with her. I can't take the pain for her, but I can be with her while she goes through it, so she doesn't have to do it alone.
And I can take comfort in the fact that she is doing fabulously, growing so fast, developing so well, (ahead of her age bracket actually) and when she isn't having belly pain.... she is a happy well adjusted little bebe, who is well aware of how much she is loved, not only by her parents but by so many other people.

oops- gotta go- cunksi is awake.... more later